all my accounts are updated. some hasn't been updated since 3 years and i was like, whaaat dear me, you were so young and foolish. hahaha.

life happens and it happens so fast. 3 years ago was before some serious series of unfortunate events rolled in my life. 3 years hv gone by now, i'm still here.

the irony of life is the more stuffs break you, the more you become unbreakable.
i am scarred for life, and after everything was said and done, only Jesus can mend me.

actually now my heart is still in pieces of scattered specks. and i will let God's timing to finally make me whole again.

i wanted to leave this blog and i'm still considering it. i hv deleted some posts, because when it doesn't mean anything anymore, why let it stay? after all when it rots, the heart is the only one who's gonna suffer. and i hv had enough writing about him.

even so, i hope what we had was not in vain at all. even if we're not together now and not going to be together ever, at least my light could shine his way, someday somehow. let God be God.

i thank Him because i hv come to terms with this failure in almost no time. when it happened i thought it's gonna take years to forget him but yeah, i guess all those 3 years all i did was preparing myself for the day he finally, finally, finally leaves for good.

he's forgiven.

and these are my last words about him.

the next chapter of my story is unfolding swiftly. it's enthralling and frightening at the same time. i love this chapter so much! this time, i really hope this stranger that i just happened to know and became friend with would stay until the end of my story.

even so, teach me to always, always surrender all of me to You, Dad. it's You who i can't live without.
pray unceasingly, remember that yne.
thanks for the ride up to this point and up ahead, Dad. keep me on my toes for Your plans for me.

amen. love You, Big Dad. <3

Shalom.

saw the video of cdm25 / steering lock just now. it was heartshattering; seeing an elderly citizen bullied.
a few days ago i was enraged with God for permitting the same tragedy. the damage was worse. i yelled at Him saying, "Enti Nuan rasa ku sekuat tu, saru Nuan!"

My life is always either rock bottom or riding monstrous waves. I really have had enough. But He is forever faithful. i encountered kind people, generous people and i said "only His miracle could resolve this."

I still have to pay for my mistake. But the miracle, it sure happens. sesaat ku enda pecaya, berhari-hari utai nyelai dikereja Nuan, Apai. dini ku ka ngiga... and after hearing about MH17 early this morning, it really knocks me in the head. Kereja Tuhan, nadai sapa ulih nagang. tang Iya sigi semampai penuh pengasih enggau penyiru.

We just have to believe.

May God bless their souls, comfort their families and turn the rebels hearts to Him. amen.

"RENCANAKU BUKAN RENCANAmu."

<3,
yne.

Shalom.

Ya ya ya i know. it's been like forever since the 1st day. hahaha procrastination at its peak. :p

So today's topic is something i feel strongly about. Well i think it's crystal clear that these are them:

Believing in Him who is Jesus. My Savior through whom i am saved.
Treat my old folks good in the future. Mami, Abba and Ini have done a lot for me.
Take care of my little sisters right in the future. Be an exemplary woman to them and find them good husbands. hohoho.
Being a teacher. My calling.
Spread Love and His love.

<3