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vapour.in.the.wind

my life as me

A Year 2 kid got bullied into cutting his own tongue yesterday. can't even bear to look at his picture people shared. since when do the little ones know how to commit such heinous act?
am extremely touched by this dance and the spoken poetry today. say NO to bullying!


To This Day
by Shane Koyzcan

When I was a kid
I used to think that pork chops and karate chops
were the same thing
I thought they were both pork chops
and because my grandmother thought it was cute
and because they were my favourite
she let me keep doing it
not really a big deal
one day
before I realized fat kids are not designed to climb trees
I fell out of a tree
and bruised the right side of my body
I didn’t want to tell my grandmother about it
because I was afraid I’d get in trouble
for playing somewhere that I shouldn’t have been
a few days later the gym teacher noticed the bruise
and I got sent to the principal’s office
from there I was sent to another small room
with a really nice lady
who asked me all kinds of questions
about my life at home
I saw no reason to lie
as far as I was concerned
life was pretty good
I told her “whenever I’m sad
my grandmother gives me karate chops”
this led to a full scale investigation
and I was removed from the house for three days
until they finally decided to ask how I got the bruises
news of this silly little story quickly spread through the school
and I earned my first nickname
pork chop
to this day
I hate pork chops
I’m not the only kid
who grew up this way
surrounded by people who used to say
that rhyme about sticks and stones
as if broken bones
hurt more than the names we got called
and we got called them all
so we grew up believing no one
would ever fall in love with us
that we’d be lonely forever
that we’d never meet someone
to make us feel like the sun
was something they built for us
in their tool shed
so broken heart strings bled the blues
as we tried to empty ourselves
so we would feel nothing
don’t tell me that hurts less than a broken bone
that an ingrown life
is something surgeons can cut away
that there’s no way for it to metastasize
it does
she was eight years old
our first day of grade three
when she got called ugly
we both got moved to the back of the class
so we would stop get bombarded by spit balls
but the school halls were a battleground
where we found ourselves outnumbered day after wretched day
we used to stay inside for recess
because outside was worse
outside we’d have to rehearse running away
or learn to stay still like statues giving no clues that we were there
in grade five they taped a sign to her desk
that read beware of dog
to this day
despite a loving husband
she doesn’t think she’s beautiful
because of a birthmark
that takes up a little less than half of her face
kids used to say she looks like a wrong answer
that someone tried to erase
but couldn’t quite get the job done
and they’ll never understand
that she’s raising two kids
whose definition of beauty
begins with the word mom
because they see her heart
before they see her skin
that she’s only ever always been amazing
he
was a broken branch
grafted onto a different family tree
adopted
but not because his parents opted for a different destiny
he was three when he became a mixed drink
of one part left alone
and two parts tragedy
started therapy in 8th grade
had a personality made up of tests and pills
lived like the uphills were mountains
and the downhills were cliffs
four fifths suicidal
a tidal wave of anti depressants
and an adolescence of being called popper
one part because of the pills
and ninety nine parts because of the cruelty
he tried to kill himself in grade ten
when a kid who still had his mom and dad
had the audacity to tell him “get over it” as if depression
is something that can be remedied
by any of the contents found in a first aid kit
to this day
he is a stick on TNT lit from both ends
could describe to you in detail the way the sky bends
in the moments before it’s about to fall
and despite an army of friends
who all call him an inspiration
he remains a conversation piece between people
who can’t understand
sometimes becoming drug free
has less to do with addiction
and more to do with sanity
we weren’t the only kids who grew up this way
to this day
kids are still being called names
the classics were
hey stupid
hey spaz
seems like each school has an arsenal of names
getting updated every year
and if a kid breaks in a school
and no one around chooses to hear
do they make a sound?
are they just the background noise
of a soundtrack stuck on repeat
when people say things like
kids can be cruel?
every school was a big top circus tent
and the pecking order went
from acrobats to lion tamers
from clowns to carnies
all of these were miles ahead of who we were
we were freaks
lobster claw boys and bearded ladies
oddities
juggling depression and loneliness playing solitaire spin the bottle
trying to kiss the wounded parts of ourselves and heal
but at night
while the others slept
we kept walking the tightrope
it was practice
and yeah
some of us fell
but I want to tell them
that all of this shit
is just debris
leftover when we finally decide to smash all the things we thought
we used to be
and if you can’t see anything beautiful about yourself
get a better mirror
look a little closer
stare a little longer
because there’s something inside you
that made you keep trying
despite everyone who told you to quit
you built a cast around your broken heart
and signed it yourself
you signed it
“they were wrong”
because maybe you didn’t belong to a group or a click
maybe they decided to pick you last for basketball or everything
maybe you used to bring bruises and broken teeth
to show and tell but never told
because how can you hold your ground
if everyone around you wants to bury you beneath it
you have to believe that they were wrong
they have to be wrong
why else would we still be here?
we grew up learning to cheer on the underdog
because we see ourselves in them
we stem from a root planted in the belief
that we are not what we were called we are not abandoned cars stalled out and sitting empty on a highway
and if in some way we are
don’t worry
we only got out to walk and get gas
we are graduating members from the class of
fuck off we made it
not the faded echoes of voices crying out
names will never hurt me
of course
they did
but our lives will only ever always
continue to be
a balancing act
that has less to do with pain


Shrinking Women
Across from me at the kitchen table, my mother smiles over red wine that she drinks out of a measuring glass.
She says she doesn’t deprive herself,
but I’ve learned to find nuance in every movement of her fork.
In every crinkle in her brow as she offers me the uneaten pieces on her plate.
I’ve realized she only eats dinner when I suggest it.
I wonder what she does when I’m not there to do so.
Maybe this is why my house feels bigger each time I return; it’s proportional.
As she shrinks the space around her seems increasingly vast.
She wanes while my father waxes. His stomach has grown round with wine, late nights, oysters, poetry. A new girlfriend who was overweight as a teenager, but my dad reports that now she’s “crazy about fruit.”
It was the same with his parents;
as my grandmother became frail and angular her husband swelled to red round cheeks, round stomach
and I wonder if my lineage is one of women shrinking
making space for the entrance of men into their lives
not knowing how to fill it back up once they leave.
I have been taught accommodation.
My brother never thinks before he speaks.
I have been taught to filter.
“How can anyone have a relationship to food?” He asks, laughing, as I eat the black bean soup I chose for its lack of carbs.
I want to tell say: we come from difference, Jonas, 
you have been taught to grow out
I have been taught to grow in
you learned from our father how to emit, how to produce, to roll each thought off your tongue with confidence, you used to lose your voice every other week from shouting so much
I learned to absorb
I took lessons from our mother in creating space around myself
I learned to read the knots in her forehead while the guys went out for oysters
and I never meant to replicate her, but
spend enough time sitting across from someone and you pick up their habits
that’s why women in my family have been shrinking for decades.
We all learned it from each other, the way each generation taught the next how to knit
weaving silence in between the threads
which I can still feel as I walk through this ever-growing house,
skin itching,
picking up all the habits my mother has unwittingly dropped like bits of crumpled paper from her pocket on her countless trips from bedroom to kitchen to bedroom again, 
Nights I hear her creep down to eat plain yogurt in the dark, a fugitive stealing calories to which she does not feel entitled.
Deciding how many bites is too many
How much space she deserves to occupy.
Watching the struggle I either mimic or hate her,
And I don’t want to do either anymore
but the burden of this house has followed me across the country
I asked five questions in genetics class today and all of them started with the word “sorry”.
I don’t know the requirements for the sociology major because I spent the entire meeting deciding whether or not I could have another piece of pizza
a circular obsession I never wanted but
inheritance is accidental
still staring at me with wine-stained lips from across the kitchen table.
                – Lily Myers
-credit:Button Poetry
one of those women with beautiful, beautiful mind
rest in peace, Maya...
"Thomas Wolfe warned in the title of America’s great novel that ‘You Can’t Go Home Again.’ I enjoyed the book but I never agreed with the title. I believe that one can never leave home. I believe that one carries the shadows, the dreams, the fears and dragons of home under one’s skin, at the extreme corners of one’s eyes and possibly in the gristle of the earlobe.
Home is that youthful region where a child is the only real living inhabitant. Parents, siblings, and neighbors, are mysterious apparitions, who come, go, and do strange unfathomable things in and around the child, the region’s only enfranchised citizen.
[…]
I am convinced that most people do not grow up. We find parking spaces and honor our credit cards. We marry and dare to have children and call that growing up. I think what we do is mostly grow old. We carry accumulation of years in our bodies and on our faces, but generally our real selves, the children inside, are still innocent and shy as magnolias.
We may act sophisticated and worldly but I believe we feel safest when we go inside ourselves and find home, a place where we belong and maybe the only place we really do."



never thought it's possible to miss someone this much.
i thought when he's gone everything won't make any sense. but it does now. it makes sense the vividliest.
that i've not only fell for him, i fell hard, tripped and suffered comatose for numerous months.
God, it happened as fast as the shortest lightning, and leaves as abrupt as the shatter of the windowpanes in the stubbornest weather.

i'm supposed to go on my way to get to him in a few hours, but i don't even hv the strength to function properly, so how am i gonna travel that far?

if only my body is not freakishly frail like this. argh.

in the purest sense, when i feel this hopeless and helpless, Big Dad comes to my rescue like the Great Father He is.
there's no time left to wallow and entertain dark feelings.
now is the time to serve the kingdom of God, and set the heart and eyes on Him and His purpose for my life.

so even if he has changed, i'm gonna fight for not only what i feel but also what i believe, that we are meant for each other.
it's not gonna be an easy ride, i realise this.
but he has a very special place in my heart, where i hv never let anyone fill it.
this time i just can't let him go...
so im gonna try and wait for him until Big Dad says stop.
i could sense it, it's gonna be a long rough and war,
but giving him up is much harder.

Big Dad said i must go through this first.
something about preparing me for His service.
He's moulding me and the pain, time and time again i thought i couldn't handle.
that's when Your hands embrace me and teach me how to soar.
"Kalau bukan Tuhan yang menolong aku, nyaris aku terdiam di tempat sunyi," said King David.

keep breaking my heart for what breaks Yours, Dad.
prune me until i reflect Your image like never before.
You know what's best for me, for him and for us,
but really Dad,
let him be the one for me.

sorry for being so shameless.
thanks for Your grand favor, i love You, Greatest Love. <3
Once there was a tree....
and she loved a little boy.
And everyday the boy would come
and he would gather her leaves
and make them into crowns and play king of the forest.
He would climb up her trunk
and swing from her branches
and eat apples.
And they would play hide-and-go-seek.
And when he was tired, he would sleep in her shade.
And the boy loved the tree.... very much.
And the tree was happy. But time went by.
And the boy grew older.
And the tree was often alone.
Then one day the boy came to the tree
and the tree said, "Come, Boy, come
and climb up my trunk
and swing from my branches
and eat apples
and play in my shade
and be happy."
"I am too big to climb and play" said the boy.
"I want to buy things
and have fun. I want some money?"
"I'm sorry," said the tree,
"but I have no money.
I have only leaves and apples.
Take my apples, Boy,
and sell them in the city.
Then you will have money
and you will be happy."
And so the boy climbed up the tree
and gathered her apples
and carried them away.
And the tree was happy.
But the boy stayed away for a long time....
and the tree was sad.
And then one day the boy came back
and the tree shook with joy
and she said, "Come, Boy, climb up my trunk
and swing from my branches
and be happy."
"I am too busy to climb trees," said the boy.
"I want a house to keep me warm," he said.
"I want a wife
and I want children,
and so I need a house.
Can you give me a house ?"
" I have no house," said the tree.
"The forest is my house,
but you may cut off my branches
and build a house".
Then you will be happy."
And so the boy cut off her branches
and carried them away to build his house.
And the tree was happy.
But the boy stayed away for a long time.
And when he came back,
the tree was so happy she could hardly speak.
"Come, Boy," she whispered,
"come and play."
"I am too old and sad to play," said the boy.
"I want a boat that will take me far away from here.
Can you give me a boat?"
"Cut down my trunk and make a boat," said the tree.
"Then you can sail away...
and be happy."
And so the boy cut down her trunk
and made a boat
and sailed away.
And the tree was happy ...
but not really.
And after a long time the boy came back again.
"I am sorry, Boy,"
said the tree,
" but I have nothing left to give you - My apples are gone."
"My teeth are too weak for apples," said the boy.
"My branches are gone," said the tree.
" You cannot swing on them - "
"I am too old to swing on branches," said the boy.
"My trunk is gone, " said the tree.
"You cannot climb - "
"I am too tired to climb" said the boy.
"I am sorry," sighed the tree.
"I wish that I could give you something....
but I have nothing left.
I am just an old stump.
I am sorry...."
"I don't need very much now," said the boy.
"just a quiet place to sit
and rest. I am very tired."
"Well," said the tree,
straightening herself up as much as she could,
"well, an old stump is good for sitting
and resting.
Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest."
And the boy did.
And the tree was happ.y
There is nothing in life that will make you stronger or screw you up more than heartbreak. I have only had my heart broken by one person in my life — and it was more than enough.
Falling in love with someone isn’t only falling in love with an incredible person, a person you find to be one of the best people in the world. It’s also falling in love with the person you become when you’re with the one you love.
Sometimes the person we love makes us want to be a person who isn’t especially great. But when your love does make you want to be a better person, what the two of you share has a real shot at lasting the test of time.
Yet, there’s still more to it than just that. Falling in love is also falling in love with what you believe to be your future. Most often, losing this is what hurts the most.
When you lose the love of your life, you lose a piece of yourself — the piece that holds you together. You lose the piece of you that makes you the good person you’ve become; you lose the piece of you that allows you to be you. So when your heart gets broken, you, too, in a sense, break.
As there are different depths to love, I believe there are different depths to heartbreak. It only makes sense that the shallowest of loves leaves the shallowest of cracks, while the deepest of loves causes our hearts to undergo a sort of shattering.
The heartbreak I’m speaking of in particular is of the deepest kind — the kind that only really happens once in a lifetime.
I say only once in a lifetime because once we experience such heartbreak, we are never again the same. We become different people, scarred and nerve-damaged. We begin to look at life and love through a different shade of glass.
We will never have our hearts broken in exactly the same manner, as we have lost the innocence that allowed for such vulnerability in the first place.
When you completely give your heart over to someone — body and soul — and the relationship doesn’t work out, you lose that heart. It doesn’t matter if things didn’t work out because of them or because you yourself screwed up. It doesn’t even matter if there’s no one to blame.
If you were certain that you would spend your lives together and have to face the reality that the future you have been looking forward to for so long has just been taken away from you, it’s going to hurt. A lot.
Sad to say, it’s not a pain that goes away quickly. It takes time to heal — and you will most definitely need some healing. More importantly, you’re going to need some fixing. Someone is going to need to take the pieces of you lying sprawled out across the ground, and put you back together. The question is: Who?
The answer is simple. Only one of three people in the world can fix you when you’re dealing with the aftermath of a broken heart. Either someone new who has yet to break your heart, that someone who did break your heart, or you — the one who had his or her heart broken.
Each one of those three options has its benefits, but also tradeoffs. Finding someone new to love is usually our go-to. Most people very strongly believe that finding a new love to take the place of the old one is the best way to go. And for a good reason — because it works.
If you fall in love with someone new, the pain from the old love goes away — at least for the time being. The problems with this are obvious. Finding someone new to love only works for as long as the love stays alive.
As soon as the love fades or the relationship fails, that heartbreak that you buried way back when will likely resurface. The only reason it wouldn’t resurface would be if you were dealing with the pain from novel heartbreak. New love trumps old love just as new heartbreak trumps old heartbreak.
Then we have the second option — getting back together with the person who broke you in the first place. I feel like I need to put some sort of disclaimer here:
Although it is possible for your old love to fix you, to mend your heart and to make you happier than you ever thought imaginable — 100 percent possible — it’s highly unlikely.
The person who broke you will almost never be the person who’ll fix you. Things always have a reason for not working out. Even if the reason is poor timing or lack of maturity, you are still carrying around a whole lot of baggage from the last time you two were together.
Once a relationship fails, it almost always fails every consecutive time. When you break someone’s heart, you lose that person’s trust.
If you don’t believe trust is the most important part of any relationship then you know absolutely nothing about relationships. Is trust re-gainable? Sometimes, I’m sure it is.
Depending on the circumstance, you may be able to get past all the broken promises, all the painful memories, all the unpleasant emotions that arise every so often almost out of the blue. But in other cases — most, even — the trust is gone for good.
Maybe the person who broke your heart can be the one to fix it… but the odds aren’t in your favor. Nothing is impossible, but going after the incredibly unlikely isn’t always in our best interest. Sometimes you have to accept that he or she will never again feel safe in your arms, and let him or her go.
It’s not always easy to move on. Sometimes, it seems impossible. But you need to believe you will find someone else to love when the time is right.
Statistically speaking, it’s almost impossible for there not to be another suitable match for you. Keep searching, be patient and you will find that person one day. Until that day comes, work on fixing yourself.
Love does as much damage as it does because we allow ourselves to wallow in that misery. We hone in on it and allow the painful thoughts and memories to fill our minds and to seep into all the nooks and crannies of our lives. We wait to be fixed and by doing so gradually become more and more broken.
You may be able to find someone to piece you back together, but there is only one person in the world who is guaranteed to do the job right. Only you can fix yourself the way you need to be fixed. Finding another lover can help, but it isn’t necessary.
Waiting to find someone new to love or waiting to get back with that one that got away is dumb. Maybe you will meet someone new one day.
Maybe you’ll get back together with the one who made you simultaneously happier and more miserable than you have ever been in your life. You can’t wait for someone else to motivate you to get your life straight.
Remember, one of the main reasons we’re capable of loving another person as much as we are, is how he or she makes us want to improve ourselves and the lives we lead. Other people never really fix you.
They only help you fix yourself. Be smart and fix yourself before you fall in love again. The better the person you are, the more likely you are to find your happily ever after.
from http://elitedaily.com/dating/person-broke-cant-one-fixes/920194/


Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.— Anonymous (The New Jerusalem Bible (NJB)


Love is always patient- regardless of time, distance, highs and lows, as well as kind of people one's dealing with.
Love is always kind- everlastingly giving and never asking for favour.
Love is never boastful and conceited- it's not proud of and self-satisfied in one's achievement, possession and abilities.
Love is NEVER rude and selfish- It never harms. It's graceful and merciful and forgiving. It prioritises the other person. It prioritises God the most.
Love does not take offense and is not resentful- Love does not seek for revenge, nor does it keep an avenge. Madly, in love, does not mean to be out of control. Love is being in control of our emotions.
Love takes no pleasure in other people's sin- It seeks to build people up, not to bring people down. Love hates sin but is kind to the sinner. After all, Love has redeemed all sinners if only they believe.
Love delights in the truth- Love takes pleasure in digging and living His words. There are of countless amounts of truth but love cares about and is able to distinguish the true Truth from made-up ones. Even if one is being rejected, shamed and persecuted by the world for doing so, one never holds love back.
Love is always ready to excuse- regardless of how ugly situations get, it thrives.
Love is always ready to trust- Love does not dwell in the past nor does it fear the future.
Love is always ready to hope- That the best is yet to come. And everything works for one's good anyway.
Love is always ready to endure whatever comes- Love is always faithful in small things, and also big things. Love treats both the same- with great care. Eyes, mind and heart are always ready to conquer and be victorious.


De liefde (Love) Dutch gospel song


Even though I would speak all the languages,
From Chinese to Sanskrit.
And I could understand everyone,
But hadn't love.
What else would I be? 
Than words in the wind.
A dreamer who is lost,
And cannot find his dreams anymore.

Even though I knew,
All the rules and laws.
And I had the faith,
To move mountains.
But I did not live my life with love,
Why would I still exist?
If the most beautiful theories,
In a matter of time will fall apart.
Love, love,
This word is too big.
But love, that is life,
Even life through death.
Love, love,
Tell me the secret,
Of a God who is always love.
I want to force,
But love is patient.
And when I want to punish,
Love forgives the debt.
Even when I am egoistic,
Love will share everything.
Sometimes I kick a lot,
But love kneels down on the floor.
And soon, when everything is finished,
People had expected the least.
God will teach us the glory of the light.
In love I recognize His Face.

Break my heart for what break Yours, Lord. Teach me the way You love me. <3
Shalom.

It's been a while. Imma busy woman. hahaha. plus the internet coverage sucks. which is good and bad at the same time. but i still write.

this week i accepted the 5 day positive challenge after being tagged by Mdm Esther. She was my lecturer and an inspiring teacher and Christian for me. The challenge is to write 3 positive comments every day over 5 days. I really had a rough week- in fact the roughest in the history of worst practicum and being keeping myself away from the edge was a tough one. By completing this challenge, my focus was removed from me me me and what i thought about stuffs. Instead, i was able to call it a day and give thanks; for even it's the worst, the Best person is with us all the way anyway and anyhow. So, here are my entries:

Day 5- longgg Thursday

1. In the midst of mental block, i found these books in the library-> refer the attached pic. A few is written by Andrew Wright! Woots! 
2. Changed my approach with my kids as suggested by ppl i consulted n it worked well in curbing the noise! Felt guilty because i was never that strict with them but it was what they needed. i needed it too.


Day 4- Rollercoaster Wednesday
As i'm about to complete this challenge, i realise that by reflecting my days like this, everyday miracle is magnified. God's love is in every situation, every emotion, every shape n every person. If we can't see it then perhaps we're viewing it the wrong way. So,
1.
When everything fell apart, i came to realise that this was bigger than me. I should stop carrying my own blame on my shoulders n start surrendering everything to His hands. Sometimes we try the hardest but still stuffs don't go our way. It's God way to teach us profounder lessons. Leaving my worries on the floor.

2. Consoled by a handful of wise ppl with their inspiring n thoughtful encouragement. Felt better in no time. Angels, they were.

3. Last night was one of those rare nights in which i managed to sleep without taking any pill. Mom said "try" n i tried n prayed.thank God for the comfort n rest.

#beingpositive
#eyesonHim

Day 3- Explosive Tuesday

1. Thattt close to give my kids a good scolding and pinches. Could feel myself almost blew up and broke down. Seeing their innocent faces made my heart engulfed with patience.

2. I knew that session was terrible. But my mentor was kind with the comments and marks. Reminded me not to be too hard on myself...

3. Free newspaper!!! Went looking for newspaper for tomorrow's lesson at Bau bus station. God bless the taukenio. 


DAY 2- Hectic Monday
So i'm supposed to write 3 positive comments every day over 5 days.

1. Surprise! Back-to-back observation which was supposed to start next week wl kickstart on Tue. Praise the Lord my laptop, printer, and head worked well!

2. Prayed that i could sleep because i needed to function come Tue. Rested well and sound.

3. Sighed while treating my skin. Scars, bruises and cuts everywhere. Not to mention it's super dark. Even so, my scars represent what i've gone through to get here. I worked at paddy field under the blazing sun, carried logs until my shoulders reddened and became stiff, tapped rubber trees at 3 in the morning, climbed trees to pluck mangosteen and to hv fun, jumped from cliffs and fell countless times. My scars are my experience tattooed on my body. It's ugly; it's also my beauty.

So i'm supposed to write 3 comments every day over 5 days. And these 3 are for yesterday.

DAY 1

1. Even though the brief break was over n i felt like still wanna stay inside my cave for at least another year, i got to continue my life as a teacher trainee. Just a year ++ left now til i live my dream! Woohoo.
2. Thank God for all the kind and inspiring companions He sends me. Upah kalian besar di syurga... 
3. Yesterday i missed 2 persons sooo badly that it brought me to tears. Even the rain felt me. PtL both of them called me. Feel so much better and ready to soldier on. Hoyeah!

#taggedby mdm Koh Esther 许以斯帖
#spreadpositivity


Dear me, in case you forgot this, if you are having one of those toughest moment, remember to put your eyes on God. stop trying to carry everything and let God be God. rawrrr, You.

Love,
yne.
How are you, really?
Better than yesterday.

How do you feel right now? What are you thinking about?
I am bored, that's why i'm answering these qs.

What’s your favorite color?
Hues of purple.

What’s your favorite food?
every good and fattening food there is.

What’s your favorite dessert?
Frozen yoghurt.

How old are you?
im 23 going on 24. waaa i'm that old. sobs.

What have you learned today?
to surround myself with positivity. that i should let negative ppl be like "angin dari TimorLeste and balik dr hidupmu". and most profoundly? that only Jesus is my true friend. :')

What was your favorite subject in school?
Englishhh, forever.

What do you do?
I'm a teacher trainee about to having my practicum next week. Can't wait!!!

What are some of your favorite books?
Too many. Coelho's by River Piedra I Sat Down & Cried, Leav's Love and Misadventures, 13 Reasons Why, to name a few.

What are some of your favorite movies?

again, too many. to name 1, 500 days of summer. a story about letting go. and every poetic movie there is.

What kind of music are you into?

Gospel. and every serenading songs with fine lyrics there are.

If you were going to write a book, what would you call it and what would it be about?

7 Reasons Why. about why i didn't proceed with committing suicide. sounds rivetting? hahaha.

What’s one of the scariest things you’ve ever done?

Giving a public speaking speech in front of a large audience in an auditorium in Bintulu. my palms sweated that my written text on it disappeared. hahaha.

What accomplishment are you most proud of?

I ran 100m women's hurdle & and was the first runner for my IPG's 400x100m relay during KAGUM 2012 in Perlis. We didn't win any medal but i was a kaki bangku and total nerd until i entered the ipg. and this was the starting point in which i got to get involved in sports this far. before, my things was debate, public speaking, be an actress for school dramas and such kaki bangku stuffs. having said that, i really miss those days. hmm.

Are you married?

No. and not any time sooner.

How did you meet your spouse / girlfriend / boyfriend?

in a prayer convention. :')

Do you think it’s better to get married when you’re young or better to wait a while?
it's better to wait until i achieve my personal goals before settling down. like finishing my studies, return my family's favor, study in Leeds and be really ready to be married to someone.

Do you have any kids?

Yes. i have 33 kids and about to add another 20++ next week. 8)

Have you ever thought of adopting?

Thinking about it thoughtfully? Not really. But i'd love to.

When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

a teacher. <3

How did you get into teaching?

it's God calling. and because of my mom's and my family's and everyone's prayers.

Would you recommend teaching for other people? Why / Why not?

why not? but if you don't have a heart and will for it, don't be a teacher.

What do you do for fun?

read books, watch movies, play handball or hockey, write, eat, sleep.

Do you like traveling?

yes, please.

If you could visit any place in the world, where would you go?

Venice and Kaashmir! And the tip of Mt. Everest!

Who are some people you’d like to meet someday?

Paulo Coelho, and ask him about ideas and books. Taib, and scold him madly. And every poet who are still living.

If someone asked you to give them a random piece of advice, what would you say?

Jesus's got you. He loves you. So hang in there, and believe Him, everything's gonna be alright. it all gets better.

What’s one of your favorite habits you have?

find hidden meaningsss within a piece of artwork, or anything, really. paintings, poems, stories, statuses, conversations, views, anything i see.

What are some things that make you really hap
py?

family,books, food, friends, being able to make someone happy, being a backup singer during praise and worship.

What are some things that make you really sad?

betrayal, hunger, war, abortion, rapes, my state's condition, late allowance, lies, slanders, sad poems.

What are some things that scare you?

people, being left/betrayed by someone i love, or anyone really, not being able to be a good teacher, dying.

Do you like to plan things out in detail or be spontaneous?

plan things in detail, mostly.

Are you a religious person?

am i? does it matter?

If you could go back in history, who would you like to meet?

Jesus. and king David. and granddad on my father's side. and myself, when i was a kid.

Would you rather live in the country or in the city?

country, by a waterfall.

What was your life like growing up?

like everyone's. lotsa ups and downs,as well as make and break moments.

What were you like in high school?

happy. appreciated. loved. nerdy. revived.

Do you have any brothers or sisters? How many?

all lil sisters. 2.

What’s your favorite part about today so far?

getting life lesson from wise people.

Who in your life has influenced you the most? How did they do it?

mom. being my mom.

What’s your favorite joke?

"tinkiu di". only my family understands this. hahahahahahahah!

Have you ever tried sushi? (Did you like it?)

Yessss. I love salmon buri. RM5 for two. huu.

Do you like spicy food?

YESSS!

How do you like your steak cooked?

Like in Nando's. with tabasco.

Do you have a favorite number? Any particular reason why you like that number?

7 and 11. 7 cause it's Cristiano Ronaldo's jerser no, once. 11 cause i love number one. these when i was young and for my jersey. but now, i love 2. stands for second chance. <3

If you were a type of animal, what would you be and why?

an otter. cause otters always hold their loved ones' hands. gwieopta, aren't they?

What’s one of the strangest things you’ve ever done?

Meeping, all the time. it's making "meep" sounds repeatedly at random places. like in an elevator, or in lrt stations.

What kind of vacations do you like?

serene ones. like enjoying nature, seeing very old buildings n stuffs like that.

What are some of your major goals in life?

to answer my calling successfully. to study in Leeds and tapao snowballs for my mom n dad n lil sistas. to return my family's favor. to buy my dad the car of his dream. to have a shopping handbag spree with mom. to be a beautiful and loved person, inside out. to take care of myself well. to marry him whose i'm his missing rib. to be a great mom to our kids, like mom.

What are some of your smaller goals in life?

to survive every sem well. to be able to drink  plain water. to stop drinking Coke. to lose weight. hahaha.

What do you like least about yourself?

my pimples and stretchmarks. things that i do that push ppl away from me. to be always afraid.

What embarrasses you?

me being me.

If you could try out any job for a day, what would you like to try?

a food taster. or any job that could make me eat all day. or an author. or a poet. but everyone is a poet in their way
.
What’s your earliest memory?

my younger sister, Bb and i asking for another sister from mom when she was knitting by the door at our house in SK Nanga Dayu because we were too lonely, playing with just the two of us. and the rest is history. <3

What’s the best decision you ever made?

To forgive and love people. and always try to do so.

Who’s your best / closest friend?

They know. <3

What do you think people think of you?

A crybaby. hahahahahaha!

What were your grades like in school?

i was the top student. my parents won't let me go to the city if i didn't get 90% and ++. it was like that, back then. i could only watch tv for an hour per day and the rest, i studied. that's why i'm a boring person, i guess. hahahaha.

If you could learn one random skill, what would you learn?

Playing a piano. or ukulele. or cello. and be really really good at it.

Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

u don't say. imma a proud introvert. hoyeah.

Have you ever taken a personality test? (How did the results turn out?)

Yeps. the answer is imma INTP. or in short, a proud introvert. haha.

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

their hair.

Do you think people can control their own destiny?

Nope.

Do you think all people are equally valuable, or do you think some people in certain situations might be more valuable than others (say, a severely retarded patient vs. a doctor who could potentially save hundreds of lives)?

All people are equally valuable.

Do you think people are basically bad or basically good?

all people are basically good.

Do you think morals are universal or relative to the beliefs, traditions, and practices of individuals or groups?

Yeps.

Do you think God exists?

I know God exists.

Do you think any kind of afterlife exists?

Yes. but not as in being reborn into this world.

Do you vote? Why / Why not? If you do vote, how do you usually vote?

i wanted to. but my voting place is too far from where i reside.

Do you think gay people choose to be gay? Do you think straight people choose to be straight?

Life is not always about choices. Sometimes it just is. but what comes next, how we cope with it, it can be a choice, or, we just let it be.

Is torture ever a good option? If no, why not? If yes, when?

No. because it's just not.

Would you kill an innocent person if you thought it might mean saving a dozen other people?

i never know.

What’s the most money you’ve ever given away?

secret. But usually i'm not that kind. sobs.

What’s the biggest personal change you’ve ever made?

to cut my hair short. like regretfully really really short. gained weight. became involved in sports. and to always try to forgive and love ppl.

What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done?

to believed ppl foolishly. i did this a lot. even if i know that they're no good.

What do you think would be one of the best steps we could take toward ending poverty around the world?

to start giving and stop complaining.

What do you think we could do to best improve the education system?

to love our job and treat it as a calling instead of just a payroll. to love our clients and accept them as who they are. to teach them what they need to know and instill moral values. to let them appreciate lives.

In general, what do you think about art?

art carries more meaning than words. and also, words are a form of art, too.

What are some of your favorite websites?

chords and lyrics sites like azlyrics.com for learning to play guitar, buzzfeed.com and random tmblr for amusement, my own blog to let me say what's unsaid out, devotionals sites like ourdailybread.com for food for my thoughts.

What’s the biggest turnoff in a man/woman?

being cocky.

What’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told?

that i don't care.

What’s something most people don’t know about you?

that i really care.

What’s something you wish everyone knew about you?

that i really care.

What are some of the first things you do in the morning?

think. and find Words for my breakfast.

What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you?

being bullied. to disappoint ppl.  :'(

Do you cry easily?

yes.

How do you feel about public speaking?

nervewrecking, but it's something i love, but only on a stage. not as in saying my thoughts out loud.

Do you like to talk on the phone?

maybe. but like talking face-to-face and heart-to-heart, about things that matters better.

How many emails do you get each week, roughly?

1-10.

If someone were to make a movie about your life, who would you hope would play you?

me.

What’s one of your favorite questions to ask new friends or to get a conversation going?

nuan okay ka?

Would you ever sky dive or bungee jump?

Yesss, both pleaseee...

Have you ever been in a fist fight?

Not that i could recall.

What’s the best prank you’ve ever pulled?

to my classmates. that we have classes until the evening. we suffered from having classes that much.

What did you do on your 16th birthday?

i couldn't remember.

What do you think is one of the most undervalued professions right now?

a nurse.

How would you explain your basic life philosophy?

John 3:16.

Would you rather be hated or forgotten?

forgotten.

If you knew you would die tomorrow, would you feel cheated today?

I really don't know.


How well did i do? heehee. now, would YOU answer these questions?

Love,
yne.

*this post was improved because there were too many typo and because i just love to edit it. hahaha.
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