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vapour.in.the.wind

my life as me

hey.

thattt close to suffer from seizure attack. jkjkjk. life's in fast forwardx3 mode nowadays. we're like rushing in between assignments, chaos-ing between group presentations and sprinting from classes to research and room only to calm the headache and stiffness resulted from it all.

we're forced to clear a few gigantic hurdles with a leap.

my legs are so short. hmm.

i feel the heat. burn, baby burn. hahahah.

90/10.

must shift focus from the calamity to the One who holds it all.

dddance in the storms.

<3

#mylifeasateachertrainee
#sem8PISMPJan2012
#soldiering on
:)

stumbled upon beth's blog. one of the greatest advice i've ever had and will ever have.
looking forward to go back and see her and the rest of the pack.
miss you all.

http://betty-ranggie.blogspot.com/2012/08/letter-for-my-friends.html
1st May- Seminar Pendewasaan @ BEM Bandar Sarikei
5th May- When Women Pray seminar @ Stapok Road
6th May- audition 4 Gospel Singers Community (GoSing Community) @ BEM Praise Valley
7th-15 May- *fingers crossed* Choir practice with GoSing Community
9th May- TAS meeting @ Hope Baptist Church
16 & 17 May- Praise & Worship Workshop @ BEM Kota Padawan
17 May- *fingers crossed* concert day @ BEM Kota Padawan
end of May - early June- managing TAS

#levellingup
#causeit'sallaboutYou
#superloveMay!

all my accounts are updated. some hasn't been updated since 3 years and i was like, whaaat dear me, you were so young and foolish. hahaha.

life happens and it happens so fast. 3 years ago was before some serious series of unfortunate events rolled in my life. 3 years hv gone by now, i'm still here.

the irony of life is the more stuffs break you, the more you become unbreakable.
i am scarred for life, and after everything was said and done, only Jesus can mend me.

actually now my heart is still in pieces of scattered specks. and i will let God's timing to finally make me whole again.

i wanted to leave this blog and i'm still considering it. i hv deleted some posts, because when it doesn't mean anything anymore, why let it stay? after all when it rots, the heart is the only one who's gonna suffer. and i hv had enough writing about him.

even so, i hope what we had was not in vain at all. even if we're not together now and not going to be together ever, at least my light could shine his way, someday somehow. let God be God.

i thank Him because i hv come to terms with this failure in almost no time. when it happened i thought it's gonna take years to forget him but yeah, i guess all those 3 years all i did was preparing myself for the day he finally, finally, finally leaves for good.

he's forgiven.

and these are my last words about him.

the next chapter of my story is unfolding swiftly. it's enthralling and frightening at the same time. i love this chapter so much! this time, i really hope this stranger that i just happened to know and became friend with would stay until the end of my story.

even so, teach me to always, always surrender all of me to You, Dad. it's You who i can't live without.
pray unceasingly, remember that yne.

thanks for the ride up to this point and up ahead, Dad. keep me on my toes for Your plans for me.

amen. love You, Big Dad. <3




Once there was a tree....
and she loved a little boy.
And everyday the boy would come
and he would gather her leaves
and make them into crowns and play king of the forest.
He would climb up her trunk
and swing from her branches
and eat apples.
And they would play hide-and-go-seek.
And when he was tired, he would sleep in her shade.
And the boy loved the tree.... very much.
And the tree was happy. But time went by.
And the boy grew older.
And the tree was often alone.
Then one day the boy came to the tree
and the tree said, "Come, Boy, come
and climb up my trunk
and swing from my branches
and eat apples
and play in my shade
and be happy."
"I am too big to climb and play" said the boy.
"I want to buy things
and have fun. I want some money?"
"I'm sorry," said the tree,
"but I have no money.
I have only leaves and apples.
Take my apples, Boy,
and sell them in the city.
Then you will have money
and you will be happy."
And so the boy climbed up the tree
and gathered her apples
and carried them away.
And the tree was happy.
But the boy stayed away for a long time....
and the tree was sad.
And then one day the boy came back
and the tree shook with joy
and she said, "Come, Boy, climb up my trunk
and swing from my branches
and be happy."
"I am too busy to climb trees," said the boy.
"I want a house to keep me warm," he said.
"I want a wife
and I want children,
and so I need a house.
Can you give me a house ?"
" I have no house," said the tree.
"The forest is my house,
but you may cut off my branches
and build a house".
Then you will be happy."
And so the boy cut off her branches
and carried them away to build his house.
And the tree was happy.
But the boy stayed away for a long time.
And when he came back,
the tree was so happy she could hardly speak.
"Come, Boy," she whispered,
"come and play."
"I am too old and sad to play," said the boy.
"I want a boat that will take me far away from here.
Can you give me a boat?"
"Cut down my trunk and make a boat," said the tree.
"Then you can sail away...
and be happy."
And so the boy cut down her trunk
and made a boat
and sailed away.
And the tree was happy ...
but not really.
And after a long time the boy came back again.
"I am sorry, Boy,"
said the tree,
" but I have nothing left to give you - My apples are gone."
"My teeth are too weak for apples," said the boy.
"My branches are gone," said the tree.
" You cannot swing on them - "
"I am too old to swing on branches," said the boy.
"My trunk is gone, " said the tree.
"You cannot climb - "
"I am too tired to climb" said the boy.
"I am sorry," sighed the tree.
"I wish that I could give you something....
but I have nothing left.
I am just an old stump.
I am sorry...."
"I don't need very much now," said the boy.
"just a quiet place to sit
and rest. I am very tired."
"Well," said the tree,
straightening herself up as much as she could,
"well, an old stump is good for sitting
and resting.
Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest."
And the boy did.
And the tree was happ.y
Shalom. Can't stop singing this song. Thanks for You being You, Jesus.

 Chord Terima Kasih (Jason)
Key : E

Bait :
     E
Setiap JanjiMu Tuhan
     Emaj9                                      A    E/G#
Kusimpan Dalam Lubuk Hatiku
     F#m
Lewati Setiap Masalah
     B                                    E
Tiap Tetes Airmata Dalam Hidupku

         Bm
JanjiMu Menopang Hidupku
            C#
KasihMu Menuntun Langkahku
      F#m             Am
Dalam Setiap Waktu
     E/B                       F#m B        E
Penolongku Yang Aku Percaya

Reff :
E    B/D#   C#m E/B                A
T’rima Kasih     Buat Kasih SetiaMu
              F#m
PenyertaanMu Sempurna
         B                                                     E                  B
JanjiMu Tak Pernah Terlambat Menolongku
E    B/D#   C#m E/B            A                Am/C
T’rima Kasih     Kubert’rima Kasih
                      B/E               F#m      B        E
Buat Kasih SetiaMu Di Dalam Hidupku

Source: Here
shalom.

am preparing songs for BEM The Times Leadership Seminar which is in 3 weeks. so, i am learning how to sing and play the guitar for the song BejanaMu by JPCC Worship. i found out that it's quite hard singing the verse and finding chords that match my oh-so limited range. i don't even know which one is most suitable for me since my guitar is out of tune. huarghhh!


Key : C

Intro :
C Gmaj7/B C Gmaj7/B
C Gmaj7/B C G

Verse 1 :
C             G/B
  Kekuatan Di Jiwaku
C             G
  Ketenangan Batinku
C             G/B
  Ada Dalam Hadirat-Mu
        C
  Kumenyembah-Mu

Verse 2 :
C              G/B
  Tersungkur 'Ku Dikaki-Mu
C              G
  Rasakan Hadirat-Mu
C              G/B
  Takkan 'Ku Melepaskan-Mu
          Am      D
  Kau Cahaya Bagiku

Chorus :
          G              D
Mengiring-Mu Seumur Hidupku
          Em             C
Masuk Dalam Rencana-Mu Bapa
          Am       G/B
Pikiranku, Kehendakku
        C         D
Kuserahkan Pada-Mu
          G              D
Harapanku Hanya Di Dalam-Mu
          Em             C
Kukan Teguh Bersama-Mu Tuhan
          Am       G/B
Jadikanku, Bejana-Mu
           C      D
Untuk Memuliakan-Mu


Key : D

Intro :
D Amaj7/C# D Amaj7/C#
D Amaj7/C# D A

Verse 1 :
D             A/C#
  Kekuatan Di Jiwaku
D             A
  Ketenangan Batinku
D             A/C#
  Ada Dalam Hadirat-Mu
        D
  Kumenyembah-Mu

Verse 2 :
D              A/C#
  Tersungkur 'Ku Dikaki-Mu
D              A
  Rasakan Hadirat-Mu
D              A/C#
  Takkan 'Ku Melepaskan-Mu
          Bm      E
  Kau Cahaya Bagiku

Chorus :
          A              E
Mengiring-Mu Seumur Hidupku
          F#m             D
Masuk Dalam Rencana-Mu Bapa
          Bm       A/C#
Pikiranku, Kehendakku
        D         E
Kuserahkan Pada-Mu
          A              E
Harapanku Hanya Di Dalam-Mu
          F#m             D
Kukan Teguh Bersama-Mu Tuhan
          Bm       A/C#
Jadikanku, Bejana-Mu
           D      E
Untuk Memuliakan-Mu


Key : F

Intro :
F Cmaj7/E F Cmaj7/E
F Cmaj7/E F C

Verse 1 :
F             C/E
  Kekuatan Di Jiwaku
F             C
  Ketenangan Batinku
F             C/E
  Ada Dalam Hadirat-Mu
        F
  Kumenyembah-Mu

Verse 2 :
F              C/E
  Tersungkur 'Ku Dikaki-Mu
F              C
  Rasakan Hadirat-Mu
F              C/E
  Takkan 'Ku Melepaskan-Mu
          Dm      G
  Kau Cahaya Bagiku

Chorus :
          C              G
Mengiring-Mu Seumur Hidupku
          Am             F
Masuk Dalam Rencana-Mu Bapa
          Dm       C/E
Pikiranku, Kehendakku
        F         G
Kuserahkan Pada-Mu
          C              G
Harapanku Hanya Di Dalam-Mu
          Am             F
Kukan Teguh Bersama-Mu Tuhan
          Dm       C/E
Jadikanku, Bejana-Mu
           F      G
Untuk Memuliakan-Mu
source: here

Shalom.

Last weekend my hockey mates and i went to KL to participate Pesta Hoki IPGM 2014 (ke-9).  3 years ago if you were to tell me that i'd be IPBL hockey team's defense player i'd say, "nahhh. nay-verrr."

honestly, winning 3rd place for the tournament was an unexpected victory! God has worked His miracles and praise Him for that!

When Bam, Ajie & Saha recounted the history of Batu Lintang Hockey Club, i was almost brought to tears. Years before, these dudes fought hard for a place for us to play and also in maintaining the existence of this club.

i tell you, semangat pemain hoki sangat lain. i'm not mocking sportsperson in other fields but cinta terhadap hoki oleh semua pemain, for me, is very exemplary. As Sarawak Hockey team's coach said " semua orang boleh main bola sepak. semua orang boleh main bola jaring. semua orang boleh main bola tampar. tapi tak semua orang boleh main hoki." sobs.

in IPBL, we play hockey at an abandoned tennis court. The seniors told us that they were they ones who took care of the court. They removed the weeds with their bare hands, fixed the torn net, and cleaned the court all over. Every Tuesday we get to practice at Stadium Hoki Negeri, thanks to Mr. Dana's generosity. going to KL, we invested our own money. BLHC players who preceded us were so kind and gave us some money to cover our budget. Thus, we could afford to buy or pretty jerseys and BLHC club t-shirt (refer picture above).

we built the team based on friendship. no selection was needed cause we didn't hv enough players. i myself were also invited by my dear roommate Mayrone about a year ++ ago since they didn't hv enough players then. basically we never had enough players. hahahahaha. we'd trained amongst ourselves. boys vs girls. sometimes some of the boys became the girls' defenders due to the reason stated before.

when we received so much support, sacrificed every cent we had, and basically put everything on the line, we went with a huge boulder on our shoulders.

we seeked to prove ourselves. and with God's grace, we did it! our success might seem trivial to others but we fought with all our strength, sweats and blood. and so, ptL He has made us fruitful.

anyways, apart from the medal, i went back with scars and bruises and injury. i'm proud of them since they are the evidences that i gave my all. (actually, it showed how i haven't really mastered the game. better effort next time, heinny).

the next day after the tournament ended, we measured KL City. limping around, my joy overpowered my pain. we played games at Berjaya Times Square Theme Park and hang out at Suria KLCC entrance.

at night, Mayrone and i moved to IPBA to join JPP fellas cause the next morning we'd have our benchmarking at IPBA. that night i couldn't sleep since my nervous system was still affected by DNA mixer that i hv played in the morning. pfft.

in the morning, we had an early senamrobik session with IPBA's JPP and sem 6 teacher trainees. it was fun!

then, we had a formal meeting with IPBA's JPP.

by the time everything ended, i was so weary. even writing this made me more weary. sobsss.

and so, the point is, i had such a great time with great ppl. it was a refreshing feeling- to be able to go out of my circle and experience the love for hockey with equally passionate friends.

oh oh ohhh. one more thing. i really think the organiser should reflect on how they planned and executed the tournament. i suggest they follow the norms of grouping teams- by vote, not schedule it according to your own logics. no matter how you try to justify and how we look at it, it was wrong.
anyways, thanks for the hospitality... peace. <3


Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.— Anonymous (The New Jerusalem Bible (NJB)


Love is always patient- regardless of time, distance, highs and lows, as well as kind of people one's dealing with.
Love is always kind- everlastingly giving and never asking for favour.
Love is never boastful and conceited- it's not proud of and self-satisfied in one's achievement, possession and abilities.
Love is NEVER rude and selfish- It never harms. It's graceful and merciful and forgiving. It prioritises the other person. It prioritises God the most.
Love does not take offense and is not resentful- Love does not seek for revenge, nor does it keep an avenge. Madly, in love, does not mean to be out of control. Love is being in control of our emotions.
Love takes no pleasure in other people's sin- It seeks to build people up, not to bring people down. Love hates sin but is kind to the sinner. After all, Love has redeemed all sinners if only they believe.
Love delights in the truth- Love takes pleasure in digging and living His words. There are of countless amounts of truth but love cares about and is able to distinguish the true Truth from made-up ones. Even if one is being rejected, shamed and persecuted by the world for doing so, one never holds love back.
Love is always ready to excuse- regardless of how ugly situations get, it thrives.
Love is always ready to trust- Love does not dwell in the past nor does it fear the future.
Love is always ready to hope- That the best is yet to come. And everything works for one's good anyway.
Love is always ready to endure whatever comes- Love is always faithful in small things, and also big things. Love treats both the same- with great care. Eyes, mind and heart are always ready to conquer and be victorious.


De liefde (Love) Dutch gospel song


Even though I would speak all the languages,
From Chinese to Sanskrit.
And I could understand everyone,
But hadn't love.
What else would I be? 
Than words in the wind.
A dreamer who is lost,
And cannot find his dreams anymore.

Even though I knew,
All the rules and laws.
And I had the faith,
To move mountains.
But I did not live my life with love,
Why would I still exist?
If the most beautiful theories,
In a matter of time will fall apart.
Love, love,
This word is too big.
But love, that is life,
Even life through death.
Love, love,
Tell me the secret,
Of a God who is always love.
I want to force,
But love is patient.
And when I want to punish,
Love forgives the debt.
Even when I am egoistic,
Love will share everything.
Sometimes I kick a lot,
But love kneels down on the floor.
And soon, when everything is finished,
People had expected the least.
God will teach us the glory of the light.
In love I recognize His Face.

Break my heart for what break Yours, Lord. Teach me the way You love me. <3
yne.fny

Shalom.

It's been a while. Imma busy woman. hahaha. plus the internet coverage sucks. which is good and bad at the same time. but i still write.

this week i accepted the 5 day positive challenge after being tagged by Mdm Esther. She was my lecturer and an inspiring teacher and Christian for me. The challenge is to write 3 positive comments every day over 5 days. I really had a rough week- in fact the roughest in the history of worst practicum and being keeping myself away from the edge was a tough one. By completing this challenge, my focus was removed from me me me and what i thought about stuffs. Instead, i was able to call it a day and give thanks; for even it's the worst, the Best person is with us all the way anyway and anyhow. So, here are my entries:

Day 5- longgg Thursday

1. In the midst of mental block, i found these books in the library-> refer the attached pic. A few is written by Andrew Wright! Woots! 
2. Changed my approach with my kids as suggested by ppl i consulted n it worked well in curbing the noise! Felt guilty because i was never that strict with them but it was what they needed. i needed it too.


Day 4- Rollercoaster Wednesday
As i'm about to complete this challenge, i realise that by reflecting my days like this, everyday miracle is magnified. God's love is in every situation, every emotion, every shape n every person. If we can't see it then perhaps we're viewing it the wrong way. So,
1.
When everything fell apart, i came to realise that this was bigger than me. I should stop carrying my own blame on my shoulders n start surrendering everything to His hands. Sometimes we try the hardest but still stuffs don't go our way. It's God way to teach us profounder lessons. Leaving my worries on the floor.

2. Consoled by a handful of wise ppl with their inspiring n thoughtful encouragement. Felt better in no time. Angels, they were.

3. Last night was one of those rare nights in which i managed to sleep without taking any pill. Mom said "try" n i tried n prayed.thank God for the comfort n rest.

#beingpositive
#eyesonHim

Day 3- Explosive Tuesday

1. Thattt close to give my kids a good scolding and pinches. Could feel myself almost blew up and broke down. Seeing their innocent faces made my heart engulfed with patience.

2. I knew that session was terrible. But my mentor was kind with the comments and marks. Reminded me not to be too hard on myself...

3. Free newspaper!!! Went looking for newspaper for tomorrow's lesson at Bau bus station. God bless the taukenio. 


DAY 2- Hectic Monday
So i'm supposed to write 3 positive comments every day over 5 days.

1. Surprise! Back-to-back observation which was supposed to start next week wl kickstart on Tue. Praise the Lord my laptop, printer, and head worked well!

2. Prayed that i could sleep because i needed to function come Tue. Rested well and sound.

3. Sighed while treating my skin. Scars, bruises and cuts everywhere. Not to mention it's super dark. Even so, my scars represent what i've gone through to get here. I worked at paddy field under the blazing sun, carried logs until my shoulders reddened and became stiff, tapped rubber trees at 3 in the morning, climbed trees to pluck mangosteen and to hv fun, jumped from cliffs and fell countless times. My scars are my experience tattooed on my body. It's ugly; it's also my beauty.

So i'm supposed to write 3 comments every day over 5 days. And these 3 are for yesterday.

DAY 1

1. Even though the brief break was over n i felt like still wanna stay inside my cave for at least another year, i got to continue my life as a teacher trainee. Just a year ++ left now til i live my dream! Woohoo.
2. Thank God for all the kind and inspiring companions He sends me. Upah kalian besar di syurga... 
3. Yesterday i missed 2 persons sooo badly that it brought me to tears. Even the rain felt me. PtL both of them called me. Feel so much better and ready to soldier on. Hoyeah!

#taggedby mdm Koh Esther 许以斯帖
#spreadpositivity


Dear me, in case you forgot this, if you are having one of those toughest moment, remember to put your eyes on God. stop trying to carry everything and let God be God. rawrrr, You.

Love,
yne.
Shalom.

Growing up my siblings and i didn't really have toys. I remember Dad bought us dolls one each and that was it. In the 90's my family depended on Dad's mere RM800 pay and we lived just by having the basics. So the doll, mine was one of the Seven Dwarves. It was the size of an adult's head. It was maybe the emotionless one. bisi ka??? haha whatev. I loved to comb it's beard and sometimes trimmed it in case it got messy or too long. sillyhead, i am. It was my favorite toy because it was the only one i had.

Even though it was the only toy i had, back then we didn't really need toys to play with. With my friends, we could collect leaves, sticks, old can and kulat mata babi by Dayu Ingit river, played masak-masak with them and still had the time of our lives. Sometimes we'd just climb trees and / or went into bamboo plant (cos they grow in bunch) to play police and thieves. We took a handful of sands and mixed it with clay, buried it under the ground a few days and then we made them wrestle. Owning the sand ball that managed to win these matches was our greatest pride. Sometimes we would uproot a grass (yes you ipad gen, we could play with just grass), tied it by the ends and connected them with other's tied grass. We would pull and pull it until one of the grass was torn. We'd shave rampu betu's flesh (large cucumber, the orange ones) and let them float in the river to mimic sampans. We'd go to the river and play all kinds of games that involved swimming, jumping from cliffs and making castles / dam / little fish, crab and baby shrimp pond at the riverbed. Oh, oh we caught them with our little hands and shirt you know.

These are my treasured memories. What a life... To have fun, we don't have to spend thousands of ringgit notes. If we care enough to look around; and look closely, we could discover happiness- everywhere and in every form. It's free. It's always there for us to find, and claim.

For me, Happiness is to be always grateful of what we have, even with what we don't have.

Suppose phones, gadgets, laptops, pcs and the net never have existed, could you cope?

Love,
yne.
Shalom.

Ya ya ya i know. it's been like forever since the 1st day. hahaha procrastination at its peak. :p

So today's topic is something i feel strongly about. Well i think it's crystal clear that these are them:

Believing in Him who is Jesus. My Savior through whom i am saved.
Treat my old folks good in the future. Mami, Abba and Ini have done a lot for me.
Take care of my little sisters right in the future. Be an exemplary woman to them and find them good husbands. hohoho.
Being a teacher. My calling.
Spread Love and His love.

<3
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i am a flower quickly fading.here today n gone tomorro. a wave tossed in de ocean.vapour in de wind~
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