never thought it's possible to miss someone this much.
i thought when he's gone everything won't make any sense. but it does now. it makes sense the vividliest.
that i've not only fell for him, i fell hard, tripped and suffered comatose for numerous months.
God, it happened as fast as the shortest lightning, and leaves as abrupt as the shatter of the windowpanes in the stubbornest weather.
i'm supposed to go on my way to get to him in a few hours, but i don't even hv the strength to function properly, so how am i gonna travel that far?
if only my body is not freakishly frail like this. argh.
in the purest sense, when i feel this hopeless and helpless, Big Dad comes to my rescue like the Great Father He is.
there's no time left to wallow and entertain dark feelings.
now is the time to serve the kingdom of God, and set the heart and eyes on Him and His purpose for my life.
so even if he has changed, i'm gonna fight for not only what i feel but also what i believe, that we are meant for each other.
it's not gonna be an easy ride, i realise this.
but he has a very special place in my heart, where i hv never let anyone fill it.
this time i just can't let him go...
so im gonna try and wait for him until Big Dad says stop.
i could sense it, it's gonna be a long rough and war,
but giving him up is much harder.
Big Dad said i must go through this first.
something about preparing me for His service.
He's moulding me and the pain, time and time again i thought i couldn't handle.
that's when Your hands embrace me and teach me how to soar.
"Kalau bukan Tuhan yang menolong aku, nyaris aku terdiam di tempat sunyi," said King David.
keep breaking my heart for what breaks Yours, Dad.
prune me until i reflect Your image like never before.
You know what's best for me, for him and for us,
but really Dad,
let him be the one for me.
sorry for being so shameless.
thanks for Your grand favor, i love You, Greatest Love. <3