Let no one say the past is dead.
The past is all about us and within.
Haunted by tribal memories, I know
This little now, this accidental present
Is not the all of me, whose long making
Is so much of the past.

Tonight here in suburbia as I sit
In easy chair before electric heater,
Warmed by the red glow,
I fall into dream:
I am away
At the camp fire in the bush, among
My own people, sitting on the ground,
No walls about me,
The stars over me,
The tall surrounding trees that stir in the wind
Making their own music,
Soft cries of the night coming to us, there
Where we are one with all old
Nature's lives
Known and unknown,
In scenes where we belong but have now forsaken.
Deep chair and electric radiator
Are but since yesterday,

But a thousand thousand camp fires in the forest
Are in my blood.
Let none tell me the past is wholly gone.
Now is so small a part of time, so small a part
Of all the race years that have moulded me.

all my accounts are updated. some hasn't been updated since 3 years and i was like, whaaat dear me, you were so young and foolish. hahaha.

life happens and it happens so fast. 3 years ago was before some serious series of unfortunate events rolled in my life. 3 years hv gone by now, i'm still here.

the irony of life is the more stuffs break you, the more you become unbreakable.
i am scarred for life, and after everything was said and done, only Jesus can mend me.

actually now my heart is still in pieces of scattered specks. and i will let God's timing to finally make me whole again.

i wanted to leave this blog and i'm still considering it. i hv deleted some posts, because when it doesn't mean anything anymore, why let it stay? after all when it rots, the heart is the only one who's gonna suffer. and i hv had enough writing about him.

even so, i hope what we had was not in vain at all. even if we're not together now and not going to be together ever, at least my light could shine his way, someday somehow. let God be God.

i thank Him because i hv come to terms with this failure in almost no time. when it happened i thought it's gonna take years to forget him but yeah, i guess all those 3 years all i did was preparing myself for the day he finally, finally, finally leaves for good.

he's forgiven.

and these are my last words about him.

the next chapter of my story is unfolding swiftly. it's enthralling and frightening at the same time. i love this chapter so much! this time, i really hope this stranger that i just happened to know and became friend with would stay until the end of my story.

even so, teach me to always, always surrender all of me to You, Dad. it's You who i can't live without.
pray unceasingly, remember that yne.
thanks for the ride up to this point and up ahead, Dad. keep me on my toes for Your plans for me.

amen. love You, Big Dad. <3