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one of those women with beautiful, beautiful mind
rest in peace, Maya... |
"Thomas Wolfe warned in the title of America’s great novel that ‘You Can’t Go Home Again.’ I enjoyed the book but I never agreed with the title. I believe that one can never leave home. I believe that one carries the shadows, the dreams, the fears and dragons of home under one’s skin, at the extreme corners of one’s eyes and possibly in the gristle of the earlobe.
Home is that youthful region where a child is the only real living inhabitant. Parents, siblings, and neighbors, are mysterious apparitions, who come, go, and do strange unfathomable things in and around the child, the region’s only enfranchised citizen.
[…]
I am convinced that most people do not grow up. We find parking spaces and honor our credit cards. We marry and dare to have children and call that growing up. I think what we do is mostly grow old. We carry accumulation of years in our bodies and on our faces, but generally our real selves, the children inside, are still innocent and shy as magnolias.
We may act sophisticated and worldly but I believe we feel safest when we go inside ourselves and find home, a place where we belong and maybe the only place we really do."
Vitae summa brevis spem nos vetat inchohare longamby Ernest Dowson"The brevity of life forbids us to entertain hopes of long duration" —HoraceThey are not long, the weeping and the laughter,Love and desire and hate:I think they have no portion in us afterWe pass the gate.They are not long, the days of wine and roses:Out of a misty dreamOur path emerges for a while, then closesWithin a dream.
Lullaby
by W. H. Auden
Lay your sleeping head, my love,
Human on my faithless arm:
Time and fevers burn away
Individual beauty from
Thoughtful children, and the grave
Proves the child ephemeral:
But in my arms till break of day
Let the living creature lie,
Mortal, guilty, but to me
The entirely beautiful.
Soul and body have no bounds:
To lovers as they lie upon
Her tolerant enchanted slope
In their ordinary swoon,
Grave the vision Venus sends
Of supernatural sympathy,
Universal love and hope;
While an abstract insight wakes
Among the glaciers and the rocks
The hermit's carnal ecstacy.
Certainty, fidelity
On the stroke of midnight pass
Like vibrations of a bell
And fashionable madmen raise
Their pedantic boring cry:
Every farthing of the cost.
All the dreaded cards foretell.
Shall be paid, but from this night
Not a whisper, not a thought.
Not a kiss nor look be lost.
Beauty, midnight, vision dies:
Let the winds of dawn that blow
Softly round your dreaming head
Such a day of welcome show
Eye and knocking heart may bless,
Find our mortal world enough;
Noons of dryness find you fed
By the involuntary powers,
Nights of insult let you pass
Watched by every human love.
Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.— Anonymous (The New Jerusalem Bible (NJB)
Love is always patient- regardless of time, distance, highs and lows, as well as kind of people one's dealing with.
Love is always kind- everlastingly giving and never asking for favour.
Love is never boastful and conceited- it's not proud of and self-satisfied in one's achievement, possession and abilities.
Love is NEVER rude and selfish- It never harms. It's graceful and merciful and forgiving. It prioritises the other person. It prioritises God the most.
Love does not take offense and is not resentful- Love does not seek for revenge, nor does it keep an avenge. Madly, in love, does not mean to be out of control. Love is being in control of our emotions.
Love takes no pleasure in other people's sin- It seeks to build people up, not to bring people down. Love hates sin but is kind to the sinner. After all, Love has redeemed all sinners if only they believe.
Love delights in the truth- Love takes pleasure in digging and living His words. There are of countless amounts of truth but love cares about and is able to distinguish the true Truth from made-up ones. Even if one is being rejected, shamed and persecuted by the world for doing so, one never holds love back.
Love is always ready to excuse- regardless of how ugly situations get, it thrives.
Love is always ready to trust- Love does not dwell in the past nor does it fear the future.
Love is always ready to hope- That the best is yet to come. And everything works for one's good anyway.
Love is always ready to endure whatever comes- Love is always faithful in small things, and also big things. Love treats both the same- with great care. Eyes, mind and heart are always ready to conquer and be victorious.
De liefde (Love) Dutch gospel song
Even though I would speak all the languages,
From Chinese to Sanskrit.
And I could understand everyone,
But hadn't love.
What else would I be?
Than words in the wind.
A dreamer who is lost,
And cannot find his dreams anymore.
Even though I knew,
All the rules and laws.
And I had the faith,
To move mountains.
But I did not live my life with love,
Why would I still exist?
If the most beautiful theories,
In a matter of time will fall apart.
Love, love,
This word is too big.
But love, that is life,
Even life through death.
Love, love,
Tell me the secret,
Of a God who is always love.
I want to force,
But love is patient.
And when I want to punish,
Love forgives the debt.
Even when I am egoistic,
Love will share everything.
Sometimes I kick a lot,
But love kneels down on the floor.
And soon, when everything is finished,
People had expected the least.
God will teach us the glory of the light.
In love I recognize His Face.
Break my heart for what break Yours, Lord. Teach me the way You love me. <3
Shalom.
It's been a while. Imma busy woman. hahaha. plus the internet coverage sucks. which is good and bad at the same time. but i still write.
this week i accepted the 5 day positive challenge after being tagged by Mdm Esther. She was my lecturer and an inspiring teacher and Christian for me. The challenge is to write 3 positive comments every day over 5 days. I really had a rough week- in fact the roughest in the history of worst practicum and being keeping myself away from the edge was a tough one. By completing this challenge, my focus was removed from me me me and what i thought about stuffs. Instead, i was able to call it a day and give thanks; for even it's the worst, the Best person is with us all the way anyway and anyhow. So, here are my entries:
Day 5- longgg Thursday
1. In the midst of mental block, i found these books in the library-> refer the attached pic. A few is written by Andrew Wright! Woots!
2. Changed my approach with my kids as suggested by ppl i consulted n it worked well in curbing the noise! Felt guilty because i was never that strict with them but it was what they needed. i needed it too.
Day 4- Rollercoaster Wednesday
As i'm about to complete this challenge, i realise that by reflecting my days like this, everyday miracle is magnified. God's love is in every situation, every emotion, every shape n every person. If we can't see it then perhaps we're viewing it the wrong way. So,
1.
When everything fell apart, i came to realise that this was bigger than me
. I should stop carrying my own blame on my shoulders n start surrendering everything to His hands. Sometimes we try the hardest but still stuffs don't go our way. It's God way to teach us profounder lessons. Leaving my worries on the floor.
2. Consoled by a handful of wise ppl with their inspiring n thoughtful encouragement. Felt better in no time. Angels, they were.
3. Last night was one of those rare nights in which i managed to sleep without taking any pill. Mom said "try" n i tried n prayed.thank God for the comfort n rest.
#beingpositive
#eyesonHim
Day 3- Explosive Tuesday
1. Thattt close to give my kids a good scolding and pinches. Could feel myself almost blew up and broke down. Seeing their innocent faces made my heart engulfed with patience.
2. I knew that session was terrible. But my mentor was kind with the comments and marks. Reminded me not to be too hard on myself...
3. Free newspaper!!! Went looking for newspaper for tomorrow's lesson at Bau bus station. God bless the taukenio.
DAY 2- Hectic Monday
So i'm supposed to write 3 positive comments every day over 5 days.
1. Surprise! Back-to-back observation which was supposed to start next week wl kickstart on Tue. Praise the Lord my laptop, printer, and head worked well!
2. Prayed that i could sleep because i needed to function come Tue. Rested well and sound.
3. Sighed while treating my skin. Scars, bruises and cuts everywhere. Not to mention it's super dark. Even so, my scars represent what i've gone through to get here. I worked at paddy field under the blazing sun, carried logs until my shoulders reddened and became stiff, tapped rubber trees at 3 in the morning, climbed trees to pluck mangosteen and to hv fun, jumped from cliffs and fell countless times. My scars are my experience tattooed on my body. It's ugly; it's also my beauty.
So i'm supposed to write 3 comments every day over 5 days. And these 3 are for yesterday.
DAY 1
1. Even though the brief break was over n i felt like still wanna stay inside my cave for at least another year, i got to continue my life as a teacher trainee. Just a year ++ left now til i live my dream! Woohoo.
2. Thank God for all the kind and inspiring companions He sends me. Upah kalian besar di syurga...
3. Yesterday i missed 2 persons sooo badly that it brought me to tears. Even the rain felt me. PtL both of them called me. Feel so much better and ready to soldier on. Hoyeah!
#taggedby mdm Koh Esther 许以斯帖
#spreadpositivity
Dear me, in case you forgot this, if you are having one of those toughest moment, remember to put your eyes on God. stop trying to carry everything and let God be God. rawrrr, You.
Love,
yne.
Shalom.
saw the video of cdm25 / steering lock just now. it was heartshattering; seeing an elderly citizen bullied.
a few days ago i was enraged with God for permitting the same tragedy. the damage was worse. i yelled at Him saying, "Enti Nuan rasa ku sekuat tu, saru Nuan!"
My life is always either rock bottom or riding monstrous waves. I really have had enough. But He is forever faithful. i encountered kind people, generous people and i said "only His miracle could resolve this."
I still have to pay for my mistake. But the miracle, it sure happens. sesaat ku enda pecaya, berhari-hari utai nyelai dikereja Nuan, Apai. dini ku ka ngiga... and after hearing about MH17 early this morning, it really knocks me in the head. Kereja Tuhan, nadai sapa ulih nagang. tang Iya sigi semampai penuh pengasih enggau penyiru.
We just have to believe.
May God bless their souls, comfort their families and turn the rebels hearts to Him. amen.
"RENCANAKU BUKAN RENCANAmu."
<3,
yne.
Shalom.
currently somebody is cutting grass in from of my soon-to-be deserted room. the smell lingers around this room and no perfume in this world could match it. well, for me la.
it is only just now that i decided to look up the reason why the fragrant is produced. little did i know that i'd learn a life lesson from mere grass. well here is my research finding:
"According to botanists (plant scientists), the smell of cut grass is caused by gases emitted from each injured blade. Chopped grass releases a long list of volatile organic compounds, called green leaf volatile (GLV).
Plants produce the volatile compounds within seconds of being cut. Some also produce the chemicals when they are damaged by frost."
well life could send us to the edges sometimes. life is hurtful. but no matter what, be able to make others' lives smell of perfume. be a reason that people could see that this world is actually beautiful. that mankind, no matter how broken it is, it's capable of being humane, and godly.
hope. faith. love.
and the greatest between these three is?
For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him.
Colossian 1:16
Love,
yne.
