vapour.in.the.wind

There is nothing in life that will make you stronger or screw you up more than heartbreak. I have only had my heart broken by one person in my life — and it was more than enough.

Falling in love with someone isn’t only falling in love with an incredible person, a person you find to be one of the best people in the world. It’s also falling in love with the person you become when you’re with the one you love.

Sometimes the person we love makes us want to be a person who isn’t especially great. But when your love does make you want to be a better person, what the two of you share has a real shot at lasting the test of time.

Yet, there’s still more to it than just that. Falling in love is also falling in love with what you believe to be your future. Most often, losing this is what hurts the most.

When you lose the love of your life, you lose a piece of yourself — the piece that holds you together. You lose the piece of you that makes you the good person you’ve become; you lose the piece of you that allows you to be you. So when your heart gets broken, you, too, in a sense, break.

As there are different depths to love, I believe there are different depths to heartbreak. It only makes sense that the shallowest of loves leaves the shallowest of cracks, while the deepest of loves causes our hearts to undergo a sort of shattering.

The heartbreak I’m speaking of in particular is of the deepest kind — the kind that only really happens once in a lifetime.

I say only once in a lifetime because once we experience such heartbreak, we are never again the same. We become different people, scarred and nerve-damaged. We begin to look at life and love through a different shade of glass.

We will never have our hearts broken in exactly the same manner, as we have lost the innocence that allowed for such vulnerability in the first place.

When you completely give your heart over to someone — body and soul — and the relationship doesn’t work out, you lose that heart. It doesn’t matter if things didn’t work out because of them or because you yourself screwed up. It doesn’t even matter if there’s no one to blame.

If you were certain that you would spend your lives together and have to face the reality that the future you have been looking forward to for so long has just been taken away from you, it’s going to hurt. A lot.

Sad to say, it’s not a pain that goes away quickly. It takes time to heal — and you will most definitely need some healing. More importantly, you’re going to need some fixing. Someone is going to need to take the pieces of you lying sprawled out across the ground, and put you back together. The question is: Who?

The answer is simple. Only one of three people in the world can fix you when you’re dealing with the aftermath of a broken heart. Either someone new who has yet to break your heart, that someone who did break your heart, or you — the one who had his or her heart broken.

Each one of those three options has its benefits, but also tradeoffs. Finding someone new to love is usually our go-to. Most people very strongly believe that finding a new love to take the place of the old one is the best way to go. And for a good reason — because it works.

If you fall in love with someone new, the pain from the old love goes away — at least for the time being. The problems with this are obvious. Finding someone new to love only works for as long as the love stays alive.

As soon as the love fades or the relationship fails, that heartbreak that you buried way back when will likely resurface. The only reason it wouldn’t resurface would be if you were dealing with the pain from novel heartbreak. New love trumps old love just as new heartbreak trumps old heartbreak.

Then we have the second option — getting back together with the person who broke you in the first place. I feel like I need to put some sort of disclaimer here:

Although it is possible for your old love to fix you, to mend your heart and to make you happier than you ever thought imaginable — 100 percent possible — it’s highly unlikely.

The person who broke you will almost never be the person who’ll fix you. Things always have a reason for not working out. Even if the reason is poor timing or lack of maturity, you are still carrying around a whole lot of baggage from the last time you two were together.

Once a relationship fails, it almost always fails every consecutive time. When you break someone’s heart, you lose that person’s trust.

If you don’t believe trust is the most important part of any relationship then you know absolutely nothing about relationships. Is trust re-gainable? Sometimes, I’m sure it is.

Depending on the circumstance, you may be able to get past all the broken promises, all the painful memories, all the unpleasant emotions that arise every so often almost out of the blue. But in other cases — most, even — the trust is gone for good.

Maybe the person who broke your heart can be the one to fix it… but the odds aren’t in your favor. Nothing is impossible, but going after the incredibly unlikely isn’t always in our best interest. Sometimes you have to accept that he or she will never again feel safe in your arms, and let him or her go.

It’s not always easy to move on. Sometimes, it seems impossible. But you need to believe you will find someone else to love when the time is right.

Statistically speaking, it’s almost impossible for there not to be another suitable match for you. Keep searching, be patient and you will find that person one day. Until that day comes, work on fixing yourself.

Love does as much damage as it does because we allow ourselves to wallow in that misery. We hone in on it and allow the painful thoughts and memories to fill our minds and to seep into all the nooks and crannies of our lives. We wait to be fixed and by doing so gradually become more and more broken.

You may be able to find someone to piece you back together, but there is only one person in the world who is guaranteed to do the job right. Only you can fix yourself the way you need to be fixed. Finding another lover can help, but it isn’t necessary.

Waiting to find someone new to love or waiting to get back with that one that got away is dumb. Maybe you will meet someone new one day.

Maybe you’ll get back together with the one who made you simultaneously happier and more miserable than you have ever been in your life. You can’t wait for someone else to motivate you to get your life straight.

Remember, one of the main reasons we’re capable of loving another person as much as we are, is how he or she makes us want to improve ourselves and the lives we lead. Other people never really fix you.

They only help you fix yourself. Be smart and fix yourself before you fall in love again. The better the person you are, the more likely you are to find your happily ever after.

from http://elitedaily.com/dating/person-broke-cant-one-fixes/920194/

Shalom.

It's friggin' hot. I'm burning here. sobsss. +.+

So, what was the topic again? A book i love? i love BOOKSSS! Contrary to the popular belief, i believe a good reader / bookworm / book addict / reading nerd can't read a book in an hour. or a box of them in just a week. or like read 365 / 356 books a year. no. no it's not like that.

A good reader reads so profoundly that s/he leaves no page / word / image, heck even any symbol unturned. As for me, since i have difficulties understanding deep words and complicated sentences, i would have to reread and rereread and rerereread. i take forever reading a book. sometimes what we missed at first, matters the most. wow did i just gave birth to a philosophical idea? mehh.

Anyways, i had a hard time choosing which one to talk about. cause you know, there are a lottt of beautiful books out there. But without any shadow of a doubt, here it is (cue drumroll):

By The River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

Not gonna write a review of this book cause others write it better than me. if you wanna know how the story goes, just type the title in your browser and jjang you can read all night. I'm just gonna tell you how i feel about this book and why i la-huvvv it soo much.

The premise of BTRPISDAW (be-terp-iz-dou) is classic. Love that stretches through childhood and adulthood. of choices. of how deep love could be.

i think Coelho did really well in telling the tale. It's like he could paint words that we feel but never could really say.

How did i find this book? well i'm a fan of Coelho. My first Coelho's book was The Witch of Portobello. personally, i think BTRPISDAW is the best among his masterpieces. He is someone who is really good at what he do.

And it's like we (BTRPISDAW and i) were match made in heaven. I was buried under the lowest point of my life and i read this. if you want to know what i always feel, read this book. i couldn't really write good stuff but yeah. if there's anything that could describe me, find my voice in this book. not that you care though. hahaha.

What else?

How about you? Do you read? Would you tell me yours? Cause i really have ran out of good books now. expectation kills good judgement. haha.

Please read this book. No matter who you are. Or what you like. Or if you don't like books or anything at all. Read this and you will be blown out for its honesty and courage.

Anddd, here are some of my favorite lines in the book:

we broke up a couple of times. it was like i was being drowned and pushed upwards for oxygen and repeat. a lot. to be always wondering of the future; it's confusing and at the same time, aching. like ulcers that come and go. wow so many metaphors. k enough. next.

maybes. to go back and forth; swung by emotions. it's sad. sometimes i was strong enough to look up and go through the days without him. sometimes it was just plain sadness.

how big. and how small. how it was trivial and at the same time, very profound.

first, second, third, 30th, and last, it is love. but none is love enough like Him. <3

tales are just another definition of realities.

either way, we're doomed. or saved.

then and now.

you and me. and everything else.

“Yes, my mind was wandering. I wished I were there with someone who could bring peace to my heart someone with whom I could spend a little time without being afraid that i would lose him the next day. With that reassurance, the time would pass more slowly. We could be silent for a while because we'd know we had the rest of our lives together for conversation. I wouldn't have to worry about serious matters, about difficult decisions and hard words.”

“It's risky, falling in love."
"I know that," I answered. "I've been in love before. It's like a narcotic. At first it brings the euphoria of complete surrender. The next day, you want more. You're not addicted yet, but you like the sensation, and you think you can still control things. You think about the person you love for two minutes, and forget them for three hours.
"But then you get used to that person, and you begin to be completely dependent on them. Now you think about him for three hours and forget him for two minutes. If he's not there, you feel like an addict who can't get a fix. And just as addicts steal and humiliate themselves to get what they need, you're willing to do anything for love."
"What a horrible way to put it," he said.”

“Wait. This was the first lesson I had learned about love. The day drags along, you make thousands of plans, you imagine every possible conversation, you promise to change your behavior in certain ways -- and you feel more and more anxious until your loved one arrives. But by then, you don't know what to say. The hours of waiting have been transformed into tension, the tension has become fear, and the fear makes you embarrassed about showing affection.”

“That is why I write - to try to turn sadness into longing, solitude into remembrance.”

“By the River Piedra I sat down and wept. There is a legend that everything that falls into the waters of this river -- leaves, insects, the feathers of birds -- is transformed into the rocks that make the riverbed. If only I could tear out my heart and hurl it into the current, then my pain and longing would be over, and I could finally forget.”

Sometimes an uncontrollable feeling of sadness grips us, he said. We recognize that the magic moment of the day has passed and that we’ve done nothing about it. Life begins to conceal its magic and its art.

We have to listen to the child we once were, the child who still exists inside us. That child understands magic moments. We can stifle its cries, but we cannot silence its voice. The child we once were is still there. Blessed are the children, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.If we are not reborn – if we cannot learn to look at life with the innocence and the enthusiasm of childhood – it makes no sense to go on living.There are many ways to commit suicide. hose who try to kill the body violate God's law. Those who try to kill the soul also violate God's law, even though their crime is less visible to others.We have to pay attention to what the child in our heart tells us. We should not be embarrassed by this child. We must not allow this child to be scared because the child is alone and almost never heard.We must allow the child to take the reins of our lives. The child knows that each day is different from every other day.We have to allow it to feel loved again. We must please this child – even if this means that we act in ways we are not used to, in ways that may seem foolish to others.Remember that human wisdom is madness in the eyes of God. But if we listen to the child who lives in our soul, our eyes will grow bright. If we do not lose contact with that child, we will not lose contact with life.”

“All love stories are the same.”

And finally, favoritest:

“And I began to feel sorry for myself; for so many years, my drawer full of memories had held the same old stories.”

Why? Geunyang. No worries. now i'm alright.

Love,

yne.

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