even the way i talk, the way i see what's bared in front of my eyes, i reflected his demeanor. 

all my accounts are updated. some hasn't been updated since 3 years and i was like, whaaat dear me, you were so young and foolish. hahaha.

life happens and it happens so fast. 3 years ago was before some serious series of unfortunate events rolled in my life. 3 years hv gone by now, i'm still here.

the irony of life is the more stuffs break you, the more you become unbreakable.
i am scarred for life, and after everything was said and done, only Jesus can mend me.

actually now my heart is still in pieces of scattered specks. and i will let God's timing to finally make me whole again.

i wanted to leave this blog and i'm still considering it. i hv deleted some posts, because when it doesn't mean anything anymore, why let it stay? after all when it rots, the heart is the only one who's gonna suffer. and i hv had enough writing about him.

even so, i hope what we had was not in vain at all. even if we're not together now and not going to be together ever, at least my light could shine his way, someday somehow. let God be God.

i thank Him because i hv come to terms with this failure in almost no time. when it happened i thought it's gonna take years to forget him but yeah, i guess all those 3 years all i did was preparing myself for the day he finally, finally, finally leaves for good.

he's forgiven.

and these are my last words about him.

the next chapter of my story is unfolding swiftly. it's enthralling and frightening at the same time. i love this chapter so much! this time, i really hope this stranger that i just happened to know and became friend with would stay until the end of my story.

even so, teach me to always, always surrender all of me to You, Dad. it's You who i can't live without.
pray unceasingly, remember that yne.
thanks for the ride up to this point and up ahead, Dad. keep me on my toes for Your plans for me.

amen. love You, Big Dad. <3

Once there was a tree....
and she loved a little boy.
And everyday the boy would come
and he would gather her leaves
and make them into crowns and play king of the forest.
He would climb up her trunk
and swing from her branches
and eat apples.
And they would play hide-and-go-seek.
And when he was tired, he would sleep in her shade.
And the boy loved the tree.... very much.
And the tree was happy. But time went by.
And the boy grew older.
And the tree was often alone.
Then one day the boy came to the tree
and the tree said, "Come, Boy, come
and climb up my trunk
and swing from my branches
and eat apples
and play in my shade
and be happy."
"I am too big to climb and play" said the boy.
"I want to buy things
and have fun. I want some money?"
"I'm sorry," said the tree,
"but I have no money.
I have only leaves and apples.
Take my apples, Boy,
and sell them in the city.
Then you will have money
and you will be happy."
And so the boy climbed up the tree
and gathered her apples
and carried them away.
And the tree was happy.
But the boy stayed away for a long time....
and the tree was sad.
And then one day the boy came back
and the tree shook with joy
and she said, "Come, Boy, climb up my trunk
and swing from my branches
and be happy."
"I am too busy to climb trees," said the boy.
"I want a house to keep me warm," he said.
"I want a wife
and I want children,
and so I need a house.
Can you give me a house ?"
" I have no house," said the tree.
"The forest is my house,
but you may cut off my branches
and build a house".
Then you will be happy."
And so the boy cut off her branches
and carried them away to build his house.
And the tree was happy.
But the boy stayed away for a long time.
And when he came back,
the tree was so happy she could hardly speak.
"Come, Boy," she whispered,
"come and play."
"I am too old and sad to play," said the boy.
"I want a boat that will take me far away from here.
Can you give me a boat?"
"Cut down my trunk and make a boat," said the tree.
"Then you can sail away...
and be happy."
And so the boy cut down her trunk
and made a boat
and sailed away.
And the tree was happy ...
but not really.
And after a long time the boy came back again.
"I am sorry, Boy,"
said the tree,
" but I have nothing left to give you - My apples are gone."
"My teeth are too weak for apples," said the boy.
"My branches are gone," said the tree.
" You cannot swing on them - "
"I am too old to swing on branches," said the boy.
"My trunk is gone, " said the tree.
"You cannot climb - "
"I am too tired to climb" said the boy.
"I am sorry," sighed the tree.
"I wish that I could give you something....
but I have nothing left.
I am just an old stump.
I am sorry...."
"I don't need very much now," said the boy.
"just a quiet place to sit
and rest. I am very tired."
"Well," said the tree,
straightening herself up as much as she could,
"well, an old stump is good for sitting
and resting.
Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest."
And the boy did.
And the tree was happ.y

udu belagu opera / Cobie Caillat / soprano seharitu. puusing.

suddenly feeling dumb. arrr.