To Let Me Know
It’s been a while. The noise of indecision
has obstacled me from writing. Now as i am sick of waiting for it to settle, i
want to write with all this unsteadiness that is me.
I read quite a number of encouraging
photoquotes from fb page butterflies and pebbles. One of it really speaks to
me. It’s about being honest with oneself.
Little did i know that i’d take this long
to let myself figure it out. And as i tried practicing it today, just in a
fleeting minute, i felt like this new me, this honest me was not favored by
people. A sentence of honesty i put out there costed me that hated look. That
annoyed tone. That cold heart.
And now, honestly, i’m jaded. Totally.
So here i am. Talking to myself again. And
as i write these unspeakablies, i cry.
Nama hal, ku ja ja yang perlu nyaga hati
orang.
To pretend that i’m happy with the way
things are, with the million ways that they could think of hurting me and to
suppress all this anger; it’s too much. It always has been.
But i have to be strong. And do not let my
weakness show. Because i know it by heart that once my armor is down, i’ll be
beaten to death.
This is the case of a bullied heart.
Meanwhile, there are good people around me.
I praise You, Love, for them.
Someone whose mind and heart is in less
equilibrium as of mine. Someone who always asks me, “Are you okay ah che?” She
really comforts me.
A stranger. who says that i’m a genius.
Which i found awkward. Because i don’t really know how to accept praises. I
replied with lots of hahahas but my heart is relieved that somebody thought that i am strong.
Headache.
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lemme hear ur thoughts :)